I know who reads this. I know who talks shit about me. I know who doesn't approve of Trey and I together. I know more than you think I do. You can't hide. It hurts me to say this, but it's clear to me, you really don't care about me. I've come to accept it even when I've given SO much of myself. I'm not in a bad relationship, Trey and I aren't broken. You don't like him. I get it. I can't change how you feel because you think I'm too pretty for him. I know the real reason and I think that kills me the most. Some of you don't even know him and the reason I know you don't know him is because you don't like him. Trey has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I've ever met. He doesn't judge or put down. He builds people up more than I can even express. He's a selfless, funny, beautiful person. Ask anyone.
I didn't publicly put it out there for the world for once, but him and I weren't doing well. We were considering a break. I heard a lot of valuable opinions, opinions of people who do matter a lot to me, but when it came down to it, it was Trey and I in this relationship. We were the only ones who really knew and understood. I did go to others for advice because I valued their opinions. I thought they had my best interest at heart. That Sunday night, Trey was able to get out and come to church from me and God spoke to both us, stronger than I've ever felt in my life. He changed us. We weren't healed or completely fixed, but we were set on the right path. It made me sure of him, of our future. I felt such overwhelming relief. It was incredible. I wanted to feel happiness from you, I came home instead to a message detailing everything. I cried hysterically. For longer than I can even explain. You lived a lie to protect me. Even now, I don't understand.
I didn't choose Trey over you. I never did. You chose to not have me because of Trey. I was willing, SO willing to want you in my life, but it was clear the feeling wasn't mutual. I miss you so much. I still see you. Your stuff is all over my life reminding me that you're not here. I hear songs that remind us of our best memories and some of our hardest that we got through together. I have your clothes and the birthday/grad present that will always be a work in progress and the tears that stained it. We're almost strangers and it hurts SO bad, like it gives me a knot in my stomach that won't go away. You claimed these friendships you had built up when I wasn't around were never worth it, why'd you run back so quickly? I feel like you didn't even try and it absolutely kills me inside. Ask anyone, seriously. You've always put me first, and I've always done the same for you. I've supported you always. I trusted you and your choices. I need you to trust me now because you love me. I know it doesn't matter. What I say here, doesn't matter because I don't matter anymore and I wish I wasn't right.
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