"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."

"I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope." - Grey's Anatomy

I wish I knew who was worth trusting, even the people I've seen stand by me, let me down. It all stems from this: not being able to grow up and move on. We can't let go of those who hurt us, the words they said, the things they did or didn't do. This bitterness is poison to us, but we're addicted.

I am not an exception to this rule. I can still remember when I wore my favorite striped sweater in 6th grade and two kids asked me if I got it out of a garbage can and I can still remember the words that were spoken to me during my first breakup and I know what my mom said when she didn't want me to follow my dreams. I harbor on things. Even now my heart is heavy with confusion and hurt. I don't understand. I feel like I give my all to people only to receive dishonesty and lies by people I completely love and trust. I'm not perfect either, but I hope for the best in others as they hope for the best in me. I try so hard to give that to all of those people I call my friends. I slip up, but I try and fix things, but sometimes they're unfix-able even with multiple "I'm sorry's." That's made me seriously question people's maturity and their real ages by their actions and choices.

I try to be the bigger person, to apologize and forgive, but it seems to get me nowhere fast because I guess the people I thought I knew, I really don't know that well and I'm just so confused. Everything is so confusing and it's spiraling and I do not who to hold onto or what to grab to keep me from going crazy.

"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body."