“We were complete opposites and it worked. And something happened between us that was not part of the plan: We were in love.”

I feel like second best. I get your attention in the mornings when you're half asleep, barely coherent. But after work when you're ready to rock all night, I hardly hear from you. I saw you for a half hour on Wednesday night and five minutes on Tuesday night. You're always with your friends. It's gonna come across unfair to readers, unfair that I can say you're always with your friends. We do both need our time apart, I understand that completely,  but where's our time together? The time we used to spend just cuddling and laying together a night. Even yesterday when we literally talked for like a few minutes was cut short. I won't lie, I was disappointed, but it didn't seem to phase you because you had such an effing good win night. I didn't. I went to bed early, upset.

I think it's easier for me to say I don't want to go smoke hookah or hang out with the guys because I just want a little time with you. I don't want to come across selfish. I just don't wanna compete for time with you. I don't think you realize it. I try not to come across pathetic or mean, so I tell you to have a good time, but I secretly wish we were having a good time together. Apparently even when I'm actually being serious, telling you to have a good time, I come across as a bitch and everyone subsequently becomes aware of it,  I don't know how we ever hope to mend the holes in our relationship when new ones are being created all the time. Holes that are unnecessary, things we never struggled with before.

So here's my heart. I poured it out unafraid of a quick reaction because this is my security. This blog is easier to vent to then anybody else, even you sometimes and that's hard. I love you so much. I just feel like I'm losing you to summer and I hate it.

"Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year’s time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings.” - Andre Mauroi