I embarked on this Tumblr 30 Day Challenge. I was going strong until just a few days ago. I completely failed and forgot to get on Tumblr to post, so I just sort of gave up. I gave up a few days before the end and before the final post that I was excited to do. My blog readers will receive that special treat. Day 30: Hopes, Dreams, and Plans for the Next 365 Days. Yesterday I talked briefly about time, how in just one year friends can become lovers and dreams can truly become reality. As I'm approaching 19, I think life is really hitting me hard. It's becoming so real that I'm not a kid anymore.
In a straightforward manner, I haven't given much thought to what I wanna do, where I wanna be a year from now at once. I think about little plans and dreams, but never in a whole manner like this is what I want to happen in 365 days. April 14, 2011. I want to be out of this house. I know that. Everyday is truly a struggle. I feel like I'm constantly beat down emotionally. It's killing me. There's no support. The words are always full of spite and sarcasm. I almost think her and I will have a healthier relationship if we're apart and that's all I've ever wanted. I wanted the cupcake to finally be a happy reminder of my mom. I want to be knee deep in fashion. I want it to consume me and bring passion and drive to my life. I want to love it so much, all of it even the stress because for once stress in school will be worth it because I'll be doing what I love. I want to have a sewing machine and a dress form and a design room. I want a place of my own to sketch, to collage, to create. Even if it's just a portion of a living room or anything. I just want somewhere to feel inspired because it's all mine with a beautiful sewing machine and a cute dress form to place my designs on. Because this is dreams, as farfetched as it is: I want to be engaged. No pressure there, T. Just kidding, but a girl can dream. :) I want to have long hair. This is a never ending hope that is literally cut short every six months. Pun definitely intended. I want to continue strengthening the friendships I have with my three best girlfriends, especially Sam. Sam has become someone I trust so much. We've only really known each other since November and I feel like I've known her for years. We are so alike and we can talk for hours. I'm glad we're so open and honest with each other. She's truly one of the only people I can really trust who understands me these days and I can definitely see her as one of my bridesmaids in my wedding one day. I want to visit San Francisco. Mostly because it's one of the few places I can see myself living for a long long time. I want to drive across the Golden Gate and take in the air at the Fisherman's Wharf. I want to run down the really steep streets like Princess Mia drove up in the Princess Diaries. I want to take that wonderful future of mine in, if only for a few hours or days. I want to have a pierced belly button and wonderful abs to show it off. This is purely superficial. There's not much to be said. But finally, I want to embrace the past. I want to be able to hold back tears because of things that happened so long ago. I want to stop thinking about the what if's and if only's, they bring me down. I don't want to lose all my memories, but I want to be able to listen to songs and not think of certain people or H&L. It makes days a lot harder and I'd rather not have those days anymore when all I can think about is what happened or what could have been. It's pointless to live in the past or even in the future because the present is what's happening right now. Living in another place and time only makes you miss out on everything right in front of your eyes. You don't want to be a wallflower in the party also known as your life.
This post was a lot of fun. It really was. Dreaming. It's a wonderful thing, but this might/probably won't all happen. I want to just live for today, for the right now. I know I'll get much more out of my next 365 days if I just let it happen and go with the flow. It's all very exciting though, life that is.
No comments:
Post a Comment