“At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth."

Sometimes, actually pretty often, I stand back from the mirror and look at myself. This is when my mind is the loudest. I hear some positive things about myself, but mostly negative. I put up a front, a mask. It's cliche because it's rare to meet someone who is one hundred upfront about all of themselves. I guess for me it's my confidence and attitude. I act like I really couldn't care less who doesn't like me, or if people think I'm unattractive or fat or have any negative opinion about me, but its one of the things that gets to me the most.

I know I come off strong. I am. I'm very strong willed. I speak my mind and it frequently comes across bitchy. I've been a subject of ridiculous untrue rumors. I've been attacked on formspring, on this blog, it's mostly anonymous. I don't have thick skin. It's a known fact to those close to me. I'm really sensitive, really emotional. Things get to me and they stay with me for a very long time. I put up this overbearing facade. I don't want people to think I'm weak and self conscious, but this wall is slowly breaking down.

(weheartit.com)

It's been heavy on my heart. All of this. That maybe I'm too much to handle as a person because this personality is so difficult to deal with. I feel like everyone around me gets sick of being around me because of it. I mean, who am I to say those anonymous people aren't my best friends just voicing their true opinions about me. I don't know if any of this made sense honestly. I'm just in a really tough place right now when it comes to how I feel inwardly. I'm swallowing back tears. I'm not a mean person. I just can't get hurt anymore. I might fall to pieces.

I just want people to see me as me. I want people to realize I'm a real person with feelings. I want people to know I read every anonymous post and ninety nine percent of the time I will never forget those words, especially the hurtful ones. I want people to get to know me. I want to be me around everyone where I don't have to always hide and be a bitch or come off as one. It's tiring. It really is.