"There's something 'bout the way, the street looks when it just rained."

"If you're feeling frightened about what comes next, don't be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create you own path towards happiness, don't waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you'll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart, where your hope lives. you'll find your way again." - Gilmore Girls

I am lost. I don't know what I'll be doing or where I'll be come this Fall. But I do know who I'll be with, who will be holding me tightly, hands laced in mine, telling me everything will work out in time. Trey. Somehow he puts up with me at my best, at my worst, when I won't talk or when I won't shut up. He's there. It's unconditional, this thing we have, it's been a struggle lately, it's actually been hella hard. I wanna cry most of the time and I can never speak my mind, so I play obnoxious heartbreak songs on repeat, complain on here, reblog sad quotes on tumblr, and the worst of all: shop. I've seen glimpses of hope these past few days, little sparkles that our relationship will survive and it feels good. But in the midst of that: my future is possibly falling apart. I'm indecisive and I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, when I "grow up."

I don't know if I'll ever "grow up," because I'd rather read Harry Potter on my bed or color pictures for Trey than go out and make a completely drunken fool of myself. I'm okay with it, but I don't think my mom ever will be. I want to tell her so bad about my plans to leave ASU and "pursue other opportunities" aka my phrase for dropping out, but I'm so scared she'll be disappointed. I don't need someone to be disappointed in me when I don't even know what I want and she's crushing any hope of me figuring it out. As of today, March 9th, I'm undecided on my career, but not on my life. Trey is my life, always and right now him and God are my only necessary rocks until I figure everything out which will come in time with prayer and patience.

For the record, I hate the rain, the only part I don't hate is blasting T. Swift's Fearless when I'm driving when it just stops pouring and the rain sparkles off the pavement. Because it literally does and it's always magical, always. It's that, that makes the hard days, the rainy gloomy days worth waking up and living for.