"People are people and sometimes we change our minds But it's killing me to see you go after all this time."

“As I look back on all that’s happened…growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me — there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever…and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you’ll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.”

I've been posting a lot. I don't know who this quote is for especially today. Change is inevitable. I've said it before and I will surely say it again. Things aren't meant to stay the same or else we wouldn't ever have birthdays, or fall in love, or wake up in the morning. The tides wouldn't change, day wouldn't turn to night, and summer wouldn't morph into fall. I'm not the same as I was yesterday, but I'm surely not the same as I was a year ago today. I've grown up and become slightly immature in the process. I'm less tolerant of bullshit, but I've learned to open my heart again. I lay in bed a year later in tears again, like clockwork for a different reason.

I'm resistant to change. I can't adapt without kicking and screaming in the process. I feel like I get used to something after so long and then it changes on me again, like stupid facebook. (that's another story entirely!) I've met new people, grown apart, built new foundations on old friendships, and let go. I've questioned what happiness is, that's an everyday battle I think. Some days I think I'm satisfied and then my mind wanders and realizes how temporary it is. WHY IS EVERYTHING TEMPORARY!? I've drifted so far from the person I was. Good thing, maybe. I just don't know who I used to be so there's no way back. I'm sick of temporary relationships, people only staying for a little while, mostly the people that I believed were forever. Now every person I look at or talk to I wonder when will they leave too, when I finally realize how much I need them? Probably, honestly they probably will with my luck. Will I ever be able to replace you? Never. All of you played this role in my life, created a place in my heart, and changed me. I just need to know why I wasn't forever, why people say forever when they really mean temporary or until they change. I guess I will continue along this journey letting people affect me, until they leave because I don't know how to survive without people changing me as I change myself, Right now, I have very little permanence other than the Claddaugh ring facing inwards on my left hand and I'm good with only that, no matter how much it scares me that he'll leave too.
I have trust issues.
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me...