last to know.

Lately I've found it difficult to blog. Not that I don't want to, more that I don't know what to say. I'd hate for this to become some lame way to tell you what I've been up to or how my summer is going or whatevs, but I honestly have a craving to write and my diary just sucks for that. But here it goes.

I'm grounded. What a special surprise. An almost almost perfect night, turned into me sleeping through four alarms and getting home an hour late from a crazy night with the boys. I technically don't have a phone or a computer, but thank goodness for this dumb desktop and my old piece of crap phone. Was it worth it? Basically yes. :) I'll never forget laying on the floor with Alex talking about who knows what and laying on Harry Potter sheets almost getting decapitated by a fan multiple times. Emma leaves today. Definitely something I don't want especially considering I somewhat have to convince my mother of letting me take the boys with me and Emily to say goodbye. I've never done this permanent goodbye thing.

Oh yes, the other night was apparently also a night of revelations. Some truth was uncovered, some of it was strange and some was quite disappointing. I'm still very surprised I was the last to know, even though you only do this on certain occasions, I was still shocked. Yes, I hate it and I make it VERY clear that I do, but I never thought your fear of making me mad would deter you from being honest with me. Relationships especially ones like ours should be built on a foundation of honesty and trust. I told you everything even the parts of me I hide from everyone else. You say you would've told me, but I don't really know because you waited this long. I cried a lot last night, not knowing what to say to you.

But I realized that it hurt me so much because in my head you are perfect, but really when it comes down to it none of us are. I was so surprised that you could hurt me just like all of those other guys, but I came to this conclusion. You are perfect for me, just like I'm perfect for you, but we're both flawed without each other. We're gonna make tons and tons of mistakes and the difference between us and relationships that will fail is moving forward and the willingness to change for the better. I'm glad I didn't just shut down after finding out I was the last to know. I'll think of it like you saved the best for last... ;) I'm so grateful I actually listened to you and to your best friend. Thank you for choosing to remedy this how you did. One of the many reasons I'm so blessed to have you.

Hey, look at that I actually did have something to blog about. :)

"You can find the good in anybody if you just give them a chance, benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people disappoint you, sometimes they surprise you, but you never really get to know them until you listen for what's in their heart." - OTH