forward and backward

I can't decide if it easier for someone to move forward into the unknown or backwards into the complicated. I've found no safety in either situation. Both are frightening and potentionally hurt inducing.

This is kind of like my hair. I know shallow, but it really connects. I'm currently in the predicament of deciding whether to grow my hair out or cut it again. I've gone in both directions and they both have pro's and con's. It's taking a chance.

I desperately wish to be fearless, but I'm so scared to be disappointed or disappoint him like I'll never live up to the expectations and pedastal he's placed me upon. I've been in this limbo before and taken the steps forward and I only ended up hurt or hurting someone else.
I might be shooting myself in the foot for saying this because every time I fall for someone I find myself wishing I wouldn't have ever said it, but I think this time is different. Trust me I've been sweet talked before, but only with the promise of a physical benefit on my part. This time the guy is patient and waiting and everything feels real like he truly wants to be with me, the person, not the body. I'm happy in his arms. He comforts me. He cares. But I'll always compare, as twisted as it is. He was my best friend and its hard to measure up to the standards of our love.

But I won't hold that against him. I'm happy and I will let him in. I will step forward once again. I will be fearless because the advantages will always outweigh the consequences. :)