I'm officially obsessed with Rachel (Lea Michele) and Jesse (Jonathon Groff)'s version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart." I've literally listened to it about a hundred times since finding it this morning. I was reading the lyrics and found how closely I feel to the words. This week has been a trip, seriously. I'm all over the place emotionally and then Trey broke his wrist teaching swim lessons on Saturday, then worsened by a crazy game of tackle football at Alex's greenbelt later on that day. After taking him to urgent care Sunday, then put him in a splint for the hairline fracture and the sprains and prescribed him Vicodin. He's been in pain since and there's really nothing I can do and that kills me.
I think it's been rough not only for him physically, but for our relationship emotionally. I feel like Trey's relationship has become me, Trey, and everyone else on the planet who feels the need to make a comment or statement about us or me or him. It's getting old, it really is. As if him and I already don't have enough issues without everyone and his mother stepping in with their two sense. It's annoying. I don't really know where we stand. I've been trying extremely hard not to let my emotions get the best of me where I would say or do the wrong thing when I really don't mean it. The polar opposite is me sitting in silence. I don't know which is worse. I end up texting Sam or Em to calm down. I just I feel so bad for him. I don't want him to hurt, so I don't wanna worsen it by saying something hurts my feelings or whatever. I just want respect. I'm trying so hard to do everything he wants. It's hard when there's wonderful days that turn bad, or horrible days turned good. I just want stability.
I like to think we're just in a place. It's weird because this is the most I've seen him all semester. We're not only hanging out, but we're also going to real estate school together. I'm sure that isn't making either of us the most chipper of characters after 9 hours of straight school. It just makes me question if this was the right choice, because it's already sparking fights and we're just in school. I don't even know anymore. I can only give my all and hope for the best. Lack of time together used to be our issue, now we see each other all day, everyday practically. Do we need space? I just I don't know. I've never felt this before. I feel like I'm always on his nerves and I just can't a take a joke especially not at 10:30 at night after I've worked and gone to school all day. We just have different outlooks. He'd rather laugh it off and I'd rather blow the situation up. I wish I could laugh more. I really do, sometimes it's just not that easy with a lot of stuff on my mind.
We're both really shaken up. It's crazy to think in 9 days, we'll have been together for a year. One year. I'm trying to grasp it.
I'd end here with the lyrics of Total Eclipse, but there isn't one particular part I can identify with. It's the whole song. So here it is: http://www.gleesongs.com/lea-michele-jonathan-groff-total-eclipse-of-the-heart/#comments.
Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart...
1 comment:
I just wanted to say that life's not easy. Especially as far as relationships are concerned. The longest/ best relationships are full of fights and yelling. But they are also full of the love. Which I know you and Trey have. So don't give up just push through it, I have faith in you two. I know you'll get this. Just being together a year says a lot about you two. Congrats.
Post a Comment