"And she was listening to the sound of heaven shaking thinking about puddles, puddles and mistakes."

Sometimes I get in these weird, weird moods. I usually blame the weather or stress or weird stupid crap that doesn't even matter because I refuse to come to terms that I could be the issue. Since going back to school on Tuesday, I feel overwhelmed. It's been one week of school and I wanna cry. I'm taking 18 credits, it's ridiculous, but I have no choice. I was so stoked to get back to this, but it's so hard. I've been reading textbooks nonstop, signing up for online ebooks, writing incessantly in my planner, and working a lot. My only break came on Wednesday when work was cancelled because Nicholas was sick. I tried so desperately to shove all of my binders and my laptop in my not small, but not large purse that is clearly not made for much of anything too big. It's finally clicked. I'm shoving way too much into something that's not small, but not large: my life. I'm working Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays and I was trying for a client on Wednesday nights, Saturday nights, and Sundays. I go to sorority meetings on Monday nights and I'm taking 18 credits. Dear God. Just reading all that hurts my brain. I can't take on another client. It will hurt me physically and emotionally. I miss being carefree and stress free, when Trey and I didn't struggle. I'm causing the strain on the relationship because I'm packing my schedule to the brim.

To be honest, I've never ever been one to spread myself too thin, I barely did anything actually. I like free time hence why I'm frequently on here, facebook, tumblr and watching pointless, mindless TV shows like Weeds, ANTM, Millionaire Matchmaker, and Say Yes to the Dress. But lately I've felt so pressured to get money and an education. It's coming from home, from my parents. It's so hard now because I NEED money for gas, for food, and now for a car payment. They've been pressing me to work harder and get my priorities straight. It's taking a toll on me and I'm just losing me. I have no time to watch those TV shows, reblog stupid tumblrs, send Hangover quote texts to Em, drive aimlessly with Trey, or paint. I need to back off everything and really get my head together. I think I'm gonna get a new purse.

I know I sound so stupid, but I think that will solve some of my stress. I want to be able to fit everything in a bag that isn't a backpack to bring to school. It will make me feel more organized and centered and I'm excited about that. Definitely going to pick up my paycheck finally after work at the office tomorrow and heading to the mall to Forever 21 and buying a cute, big one :)! I don't know if it will solve all my problems, but I think it will be a start and I'm excited.

"You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free "
- "Wildflowers": Tom Petty