"Forget the risk and take the fall, if it's what you want, then it's worth it all."

This weekend has been a big mess of tears, frustration, confusion, and anxiousness. I didn't know what to expect in the beginning. I felt like I was being thrown into an ocean full of sharks, not being able to swim, hoping I'll figure out how to surface. I'm not the most outgoing person, the biggest difference between Emily and I. She can talk to anyone, anywhere and I just don't. I would rather keep to myself than step out of the box. This weekend, Rush was all about stepping out and giving the girls something to remember about you in a short conversation. I met so many people that everyone and every house started to blur together. I knew where I had made immediate connections, really strong conversations, only to find out they didn't want me. It was hard to be rejected by 6 houses after day one only. I hate rejection, it's one of my worst fears, so on this scale it was the most difficult.

I wondered if I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or interesting enough. These girls seemed interested, but I guess they were good at faking it. I started to question my motives for rushing. I wanted girls that I clicked with, that understood me, didn't judge me, and loved me for me, not a fake perfect me. I only found that in one house, from the beginning I went in hoping that was what I would get deep down of course. It was hard hearing other girls raving about getting invites back from the top houses with the gorgeous Barbie type girls. I was disappointed. Nobody close to me knew what I was going through even though I continued to complain every single day afterwards or before or during.

I continued to get called back to one house that I hated, the people were awkward and I didn't fit, despite what they apparently believed. The other house was full of genuine girls, girls I really did click with, and you could see how much they loved their house. On preference morning, I knew where I wanted to be even before I went to the parties. The pref ceremony just furthered my belief on how happy I would be with those girls as my sisters. I had to sit through a whole other hour party in the house I hated, yikes. The girls there told me they'd see me tomorrow on bid day, I was PRAYING I wouldn't. I made my number one and number two choice.

I went home so anxious knowing I'd have to wait a whole day, worrying I put the wrong house as preference one, that the girls didn't like me as much as I'd hoped, fears flooded my mind. Yesterday went by slowly, I counted down till 3:30 when I'd go back and meet my group and receive our envelopes. Nerves filled the Old Main, girls were giddy, excited, scared, just like me. We were given our envelopes and instructed to sit on them until told to open them and run down the stairs to find our house on the grass. It was burning a hole in my butt, finally she said groups 10,11,12 OPEN YOUR ENVELOPES. I ripped that paper faster than the first present on Christmas morning. GAMMA PHI BETA! I squealed and rushed out to meet my new sisters! Brooke hurried to meet me carrying my crescent moon, balloon, carnation, and bag. We hugged and it just felt so great to know I had people who wanted me to be their friends. The rest of the night was filled with pictures in the heat, gamma guns, hugs, introductions, food, getting lost, pinning, laughing, SNAPPING, and karaoke with my sisters. I'm so excited to be a Baby Gammie! :)


Pledge Class '09! (: