“ When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?"
A year ago I knew what I wanted. I planned for Northern Arizona University with you. We dreamed of snow, of living together, spending every waking moment listening to records and kissing, letting time pass. I applied there willingly, excited for the wonderful changes that were to come in a year. No, change came sooner and you left, without me, didn't go far, just abandoned me for the cold of fall (or so you say). Many many many months later I got a letter from ASU, opening up a world of hope where I could cut my ties from you. Now, everyone is packing up, getting ready to leave, and here I am, ordering books online, and rearranging my bathroom. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here in this house, with these people, in this monotony.
Don't get me wrong, seriously. I made this decision on my own, of course I was highly influenced by Em, the dog, and Trey, but I never thought it was going to be this hard. I'm so excited to go to college, experience new things, meet new people. I just doubt I'm getting the full college experience by choosing not to live on campus. I've even been telling people who ask that I'm living on campus. It sucks. I suck. I hope I can make the best of this. I really really really do. I keep saying I'm excited, but I'm not. I'm so scared. I don't wanna go. I'd love to have a never ending summer. More late nights, midnight movies, sleepovers, crazy stories, dirt roads, boyfriend, and sun. That's all I want I think.
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