18.

I saw this postsecret postcard this morning and it could not have been more perfect. Tomorrow is literally my 18th birthday. Tomorrow I will be legal. I am so excited, like I can't even begin to explain. I guess I have some fantasy that everything will change tomorrow, I'll have freedom, and I'll have a curfew later that 10:15. I think my wishful thinking won't actually pay off, but who knows?

Tomorrow is just the beginning of my adult life. What a cliche. I don't think any of us will ever grow up. We still throw tantrums when we don't get our way, we pout, and cry. We spread rumors and start drama like we discovered in junior high. We still make stupid decisions. At one time it was going up the slide the wrong way only to get hit in the face with another kid's shoes going down the right way. Now, we sneak out and kiss the wrong person in the wrong situation. We still lie, worse though. It used to be, "no I didn't hit ______ or steal her Barbie." Now it's "no, mom, I'm out getting ice cream with everyone. I promise."

I just want to find a balance between my past and my future: my present. I just want to be able to have some trust and boundaries. Legit boundaries that aren't unreasonable. I was chewed out last night for getting home 5 minutes late from having a fire in someone's backyard. I don't understand. Yes, I made mistakes, I will always make mistakes as long as I live. No matter if I'm 17 or 57. I'm so excited to just live, especially this summer, the summer I've waited for! Will I ever be able to when I'm being locked up with stupid curfews, babysitting everyday, and constant screaming? Probably not.

I'm still excited because I'm still hopeful that tomorrow will be a new start.