And all my single friends are jealous.
He says everything I need to hear
And it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything better.
He opens up my door and
I get into his car and he says
you look beautiful tonight.
And I feel perfectly fine.
But I miss screamin’ and fightin’ and kissin’ in the rain
and its 2am and I’m cursin’ your name.
You’re so in love that you act insane
and that’s the way I loved you.
Breakin’ down and comin’ undone
it’s a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you.
He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will.
He’s close to my mother
Talks business with my father.
He’s charming and endearing
And I’m comfortable.
But I miss screamin’ and fightin’ and kissin’ in the rain
And it’s 2am and I’m cursin’ your name.
You’re so in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I loved you.
Breakin’ down and comin’ undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you.
He can’t see the smile I’m fakin’.
And my hearts not breakin’
Cause I’m not feelin’ anything at all.
And you were wild and crazy.
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated,
got away like some mistake.
And now I,
I miss screamin’, and fightin’, and kissin’ in the rain
it’s 2am and I’m cursin’ your name.
I’m so in love that I acted insane.
And that’s the way I loved you.
Breakin’ down and comin’ undone
it’s a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you.
And that’s the way I loved you.
Never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you."
I don't know a song better than Taylor Swift's "The Way I Loved You," that perfectly personifies EVERYTHING I'm feeling. I feel so horrible, like I'm this terrible terrible person. I have everything I thought I wanted, but I'm still not satisfied because there's nothing more I could want. It frustrates me. If you haven't noticed I'm probably the most difficult person to please. I've always been so mad that I didn't have the "prince charming" aspects in a guy, now I do. My parents LOVE him. They ask about him constantly, but somehow I still wish they had accepted "First" (I'm done using names) like that. I try to avert my eyes in the halls, I deleted his number, I put all of our memories in a box at the bottom of my trunk. There's one place I can't possibly remove him from, my heart. It's so hard, so frustrating. I hear songs constantly that bring back so much. I don't know if I will ever find what I used to have with someone ever again. It's something that I don't believe can be imitated or recreated. It scares me because I know I'll always be searching for that one person to love and understand me, be my best friend, talk for hours, laugh hysterically, make fun of incompetency with and just be with because they want me. Everyone says blah blah blah someone will come around, don't be impatient, but I have seriously considered that I've gotten my true love for my lifetime and there's nothing left for me, but to marry someone who is always going to be less than what I want.
I really don't want to be told that I'm wrong and whatever because I know how I feel in my heart and my stubborness prevents me from believing anything different. I know the one person who makes me feel whole will never be there for me again and quite honestly, I don't know what to do.
Good news?- found my perfect prom dress, everyone loves it on me, except.
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