"Like a balloon released into the blue sky;
I'm letting you go, reluctantly and with regret at best.
But you tied me down with unanswered questions & mixed signals."
Two days ago marked four months without a title for what we had. So much for a clean break. I never even made the attempt to move on. Attempt is a broad term because I did like other guys, but I did not love them. I love you. I tried so hard to prove to you that I was different and worth it now. But I was ALWAYS worth it, you just never showed me I was. There's no doubt in my heart or mind that you still love me. You still looked at me and held me the same. We shared moments of brilliance, sparks of beauty that I will never ever forget. But I don't want just sparks or moments. I want it all the time. I'm stubborn and probably one of the stupidest girls ever. I watch movies and see glimpses of us. I listen to songs and hear our story. But I can't hold on anymore. It's the best thing for me. I need to get away from this obsession that makes me weaker every day. I have knots in my stomach as these words spill out and tears crash on my keyboard. I know this is my only option now. I'm running away fearlessly from you and this situation. I probably will love you for a very long time. But I can't just be your friend, because as much as i enjoy the concept of being "just friends" in reality it's a bizarre form of torture and I'm just not willing to participate in it. So right now what i wanna do is - just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to not be around you anymore no matter how much that hurts. Goodbye.
5 comments:
i am so proud of you.
Rachel, I owe so much of my strength in this post to you. We became best friends 4 months ago because you helped me that following day when I texted you saying it was over. You're an amazing person. I'm so blessed to blog with someone like you. :)
awh danielle, this is all you girl. i might have given you some advice or some reality checks along the way (like we both know i do) but this is all you!
good for you. i went through a really bad break up a little over a year ago. for six months we tried to do the "friends" thing and as soon as i let that go, i got over him faster than i thought i could. doing this will be one of the best things you could do for yourself. i promise.
Break ups are gut-wrenching. Everything you knew is no longer and it's hard to figure out what else you can possibly be. But once you do start figuring that out, it makes life all the more beautiful. Honestly, I never thought I could be as happy but as it turns out, I was capable of being much happier... and that fact in itself was worse than the break up. Even though 4 months seems like a long time, it's been crucial to help you get to the realization you're at now. Even though we rarely talk, I believe in you... and I know that you will find your way back to where you deserve to be.
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