feels like home

I didn't think my extension of readers went past Rachel, Lauren, Casey and Sammi because they're on blogger to be honest, but the other night I got into a conversation with Emily who said she reads my blog every night obsessively. She's my best friend, so she already knows me inside and out, but still reads it. That means a lot. Then I saw two people who I didn't really know that read it. That got me so excited. I think I underestimate myself because I've grown up feeling like people don't care about what I have to say at all, let all letting it impact them.

I don't write to inspire people or anything. I write so that I can release my stress. I communicate better through paper or in this case the computer then out loud. I tend to ramble in normal speech, I guess I do that here too. Haha, but it just makes more sense. It makes me so happy that maybe people see that feeling things is okay because they read this and see every emotion heavily portrayed depending on the day. I don't care what people think of me. I'm here, ALL here on this blog. Of course everyone doesn't know every single event in my life or every secret I have, but I tell the important things without fear of judgment. I think I'm not afraid of being judged on here because I'm not hiding.

Every single one of us hides in some way whether it is in certain classes where we are shy-er and don't answer questions we know the right answer to or whether it's the lies about where we were to our parents. I hid for a long time behind Casey. I was almost a blank canvas when I met him because when I walked into a new school freshman year where nobody knew me, I no longer knew me, so I waited for these people to influence me--to paint my canvas. I became, "Casey's girlfriend." I never minded, but I was never me.

A few months ago, he ripped that paint covered canvas off and I was exposed to everyone. Almost naked, because this shell was gone. I wasn't fake or anything, just not Danielle, I don't know who I was. But I know now and I'm not afraid of me. I like being this over emotional, nerdy, short-haired, fashionista, leopard print freak writer. It's me. I like being able to feel and get excited and angry and be me right here, because this blog feels like home to me. Make yourself comfortable because my door will always be open for you.