because these things will change.

I was bored and lonely, so instead of texting or calling someone I looked for solace in my old blog posts, from someone I used to know. While reading through january, then february, I happened upon my senior project. I watched it. My eyes filled with tears. Things change so quickly. People that were my everything. DF4. The Twits. Courtney. Small Group. Some of them I don't even call friends anymore. It's weird. I looked especially at the end pictures. The people that mattered most. I don't even know those people anymore. We've all been through so much. So much good and bad, together and apart. I wish I could say these relationships will be salvaged. But I just don't know. I'm so sick of losing people in my life, the people I need.

I feel as if I'm no longer good enough to be a part of your life, like I did something. People drift, I'm the first to admit that, but I never believed that would be us. I can't just stop my life, you haven't stopped yours for me either. I'm so glad you have all these people back in your life, but it feels like you're starting over without me like I never mattered. I was here beside you when nobody else was. Didn't I matter then? I'm not replacing you. You're irreplaceable. I've run out of words. I can't directly confront you anymore or even vent to anyone because everyone says I'm at fault. I've been crying too. I'm hurting too. Maybe you really don't need me anymore as much as I desperately need you.

Our memories replay over and over and over again. The fun times, the happy times, even the sad times when I only had you to lean on. I pray every night for you, for our friendship, and for me. I don't know what I'm expecting. I really don't. If I had one wish, it would be that you never got in that accident. That you weren't in pain, that everything between us would've never changed. I miss you so much. I remember the days where a weekend apart was hell, now it's been two weeks and I'm barely hanging on, while you're spending all this time with your old trio. I love you. I'll keep praying, hoping, and wishing. I just want this. I want my sister back.