letters.

Lately I've found myself writing more and talking less. I've limited myself to one blog post a day, but that hasn't stopped me from writing letters. These are beautiful uncensored words filled with passion and true emotion, that lately I find myself lacking in when I speak. I've found people walking in and out of my life at a constant speed. I watched it happen until it was someone I actually legitimately cared about. I felt replaced and hurt and alone like I wasn't needed anymore. This loneliness sparked something inside of me. I finally knew how she felt, this slowly happened to her except she watched it over a distance. I sat in my car crying on Thursday after lunch, head on the steering wheel, not knowing what to do, I lifted my head and reached for my phone. I opened a new text and started typing the once familiar letters, R-A-C-H.

After the hell of the past few days, she has been a true rock for me without probably realizing it. Just the conversations have been such a blessing, just having her back in my life. Some of those letters were to her, but I've finally said what I needed to say. I hope that somehow some way I'll be able to do the same. I'm tired of being pushed to the back burner and not being included. I'm jealous, I said it. But who wouldn't be when they've felt un-included for weeks?! I guess it doesn't help when I hear the stories and the laughter over and over and over again. I'm so happy you've grown close and maybe you don't know you're rubbing it in my face, but you are and it hurts. I don't wanna write letters of things I'll never say to you because I'm afraid of you getting mad or whatever, so here it is. Take it or leave it.