100th Post. (:

I happened upon this post secret on Tumblr this morning, prior to doing my routine Post Secret Sunday morning postcard check, and found it oh so fitting to my life. Almost everyday when I see Hunter, I'm in a bad mood or something has gone wrong putting a damper on my day, not because of him, just he happens to be there. He is constantly telling me to smile and I don't 99% of the time. I don't really smile. There are rare occasions when I burst into fits of laughter or someone makes me super happy, but generally I don't smile. I think I've finally realized that I am actually afraid of being happy and smiling is a sure sign of happiness and weakness in my eyes. Call me crazy, but I honestly feel like that. I don't know why I'd rather look super pissed off instead of really elated and excited to be living. But then I found a quote.

"Because whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens." - Charlie Brown

There's the pessimistic side of me, I find that quote to be true. I did find it to be true, up till now. (: I looked at the second part of the post secret and thought immediately of you. I'm pretty sure that's your goal in life to make me feel good enough and worth it because in your eyes I am. I'm finally starting to believe it. I'm finally seeing how I feel inside emoting to the outside. I've made a goal to try and smile more, not like creepy forced smiles, but genuine really signs of happy living smiles. Those will come thanks to you. :)