untitled feelings.

I am in a place that is truly the hardest place I've ever been. I've laid out all my cards on the table and given my everything including the control for you to decide whether to make me or break me. There's nothing more for me to say or do, so I won't. I think it's better that two of my best friends in the world are in the exact same place, so when we need to vent or cry, we have each other.

I've laid in bed for nights crying myself to sleep, thinking about that morning a week ago we spent together and then the night two days later that I somehow screwed it all up again. I'm not perfect, I really never claim to be. But I do believe I'm perfect for you. After all of the hurt, almost relationships, kisses, and goodbyes in the past three months, I believe it more than ever.

I have faith that all of this that I've gone through has made me a stronger person no doubt, but also will make it worth it in the end. At least that's what I hope and pray. I was skeptical for awhile, really skeptical that true love didn't exist because you left. But you came back with the words I never thought I'd hear, at possibly the most inopportune moment, but I ran with my heart, even if I bawled that night, I did what I needed to do to get back to you.

I'm sure there's people out there thinking I am completely out of my mind insane and they are right. I am completely out of my mind insanely in love with Casey Reed and once you've had what I had, the glimpses of heaven in perfect moments together, beautiful words and feelings, and love, FULL ON LOVE, you'll never desire anything more. This I can guarantee.

Am I saying love is perfect? By no means. It's hard and I'm the first one to admit that. But sometimes it takes time apart to really see what you had, to see your faults in it all and change who you are for the better, so that maybe, JUST maybe if that moment arises when there's a chance you can get it back, you're ready and willing for something even more beautiful than before.